Chapter One Intimate Essentials

Hints * Tips & Practical Advice

Hints & Tips

Listed below are a few hints and tips that might offer solutions or enhancements to your sexual experiences. Some make great tools for creating cravings, strengthening bonds and maintaining ‘sexual’ desires. There are, of course, many more than what are offered here. You are limited only by your own imagination and creativity.

1-Create a checklist–Share and compare
Create a sexual interests checklist. The list should be designed to address requirements, needs, wants, goals and fantasies. It should include anything and everything that is important to you as part of your total sexual experience. Your partner should do the same or you both can use one all-inclusive list. Use them to help set limits and boundaries and discuss fantasies. Sharing an erotic list can promote some rather exciting adventures. It will help avoid misunderstandings and prevent negative experiences

After you (and your partner) have completed the lists, share them, discuss and negotiate areas of disagreement. Never close the door to compromise or to experiencing all there is. Some things that might sound unpleasant or are on the taboo list, might actually feel good. The body tells all. It betrays the minds inhibitions and reservations by displaying its approval without permission. While pushing limits is a positive, it is wise to be sure you are prepared for the experience and discuss pushing any major limits in advance. Surprise attacks usually create negative experiences.

I strongly recommend that you adjust that list to suit your needs or make your own. Personalizing is always a good idea.

Follow the link below to a checklist our team has put together to get your started. Enjoy your adventures!

CLICK HERE for the SEX CHECKLIST

2- The Body Divine Experience
Exploration, discovery and grand adventures await. This exercise is designed to provide knowledge as well as potentially offer a marvelous sexual experience. It is one you can perform on your partner or alone. As a shared adventure it can tender a fabulous sexual happening. Performing this exercise on your own body, will offer valuable information about your sensuality, which you can share with your partner. He/She will then be better equipped to provide you with a more satisfying experience.

This experience is not meant to be about orgasm. If it results in orgasm, it is a bonus rather than the intent. It is to be free of pressures and stresses with no expectations. Preparation is as important as the application itself. The atmosphere will dictate the results and therefore should be comfortable, quiet, calm and soothing. A candle lit bath or hot tub would do nicely as well. The phone should be turned off and other external influences eliminated. Allow for hours of pleasure. Sexual experiences should never be hurried even if it is a self-pleasuring experience. Sex is not meant to be an event, but a ‘happening’. Making lasting memories takes time and there is no greater power than that of the human touch.

After you have prepared your partner/yourself and the environment, you will need to prepare the mind and body. Both should be relaxed, focused and receptive. Have your partner lie down on his/her back, with eyes closed and take in a few deep breaths allowing the body to relax. Using the different parts of your hands (fingertips, fingernails, palms etc.) begin at the top of the head, touching and rubbing over the head and through the hair slowly, with very deliberate movement. Continue around the ears, the face and neck; working your way down the body. Pay close attention to the sensations and involuntary physical responses of the body. Listen for sounds and breathing changes which might indicate a hot spot. Watch the body’s movement, muscle flexing & relaxation, and for signs of arousal.

Continue this downward and over the entire body to the tips of the toes, making sure not to miss any areas. Being aware of what makes your partner tick and tingle and where the hot spots are located, will offer unlimited sexual pleasures. The information you gain from this and the bonding that result from such an intimate experience should greatly enhance your sex life. This is great for couples, a fabulous date night or for an incredible self-exploration and sexual experience.

***An added twist to this exercise might include the use of other body parts for exploring such as the tongue. Be creative.

(Recommended reading)
The Multi-Orgasmic Couple: Sexual Secrets Every Couple Should Know
The Multi-Orgasmic Man: Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know
The Multi-Orgasmic Woman

3-Capture the Moment
Capturing the Moment will promote and provoke self-awareness and sexual desires. Whenever you and/or your partner are feeling sensual, take a picture in whatever dress or position best captures her mood. This helps in promoting awareness, appreciation for the body and the feelings you and/or he/she is experiencing. Taking pictures and videos of your sexual experiences as a couple, is a fun way of recapturing the moments and creates a desire for more. Always be mindful of privacy issues and don’t share any pictures or videos without consent.

4- Sensual Tasks
Sensual tasks are fun tools to use for bonding, creating cravings, pushing limits and fun sexual adventures. The tasks can be simple or grandiose; whatever suits your personal tastes. Having your partner do something naughty at lunchtime in the bathroom, while at work, or at the gym or in the tanning booth or while at home offers great stimulation for an after dinner adventure. The idea is to create arousal and stimulation that translates to desires and cravings. It works well at keeping the connection and flow of want strong and intact.

5-Keeping a Sex Journal
Journals of sexual self expression are another way to stay connected and bonded. Writing down needs, wants, desires and fantasies and sharing them, offers a non-threatening way to promote open communication. It is often difficult to discuss these types of issues openly and writing allows the freedom of expression without the inhibitions getting in the way. Making the fantasies a reality is a great reward for a job well done.

ENJOY!

Practical Advice

Articles of Interest

Just How Important is Sex in a Relationship?

Sexual issues hold enough impact to disrupt relationship commitments and marriages, making a clear statement of it’s importance in our over all compatibility. Sex concerns play a major role in the high rate of divorce and is the cause for most all incidences of cheating. With the divorce rate and relationship failures rising above 50%, one would have to conclude that a great number of people are dissatisfied with their sex lives. It would seem wise to give serious thought to this aspect of our relationships and question the cause for such high rate of failure. Do today’s fast paced lifestyles affect our decisions regarding a partner? Are our relationship choices based in lusty infatuation, driven by fleeting emotions? Do we suffer from a lack of proper planning?

Successful relationship ventures require planning for healthy and satisfying sexual experiences. Sexual compatibility contributes to the over all health and well-being of the relationship itself. In the beginning of a relationship couples discuss all aspects of life to determine compatibility and make decisions about the future. They talk openly about their political views, spiritual and moral beliefs, address needs and desires and share their dreams and aspirations. Sex too has a place as a main consideration. Sexual needs are viable and any verbal or written agreements involving a relationship commitment should include a parley and alliance regarding sexual needs. Any partner who fails to meet those needs would then be in breach of the marriage vows or commitment agreement, leaving a standing order for an out clause. The subject of sexual needs, wants, and desires must play a critical role in the discussions and negotiations to better ensure success.

Sex is not merely an event or a task to be done as a matter of course. The bonding it presents, in its truest form, is the essence of a lasting commitment. When sex is ‘just sex', the chances for long-term happiness and contentment diminish greatly, therefore it is important that this subject be addressed and agreement reached, before any actual commitment takes place. Designing a plan in accordance with a mutually agreed upon checklist of needs, wants and desires is a good standard practice. Needs can’t be ignored and will eventually become deal breakers. Settling for whatever is offered usually warrants a discontented mate and cheating. Neither of those end results is an acceptable alternative to designing a lasting plan and getting what we really want.

Any relationship requires honesty and in planning for success it is wise to remain honest with yourself and your partner about your sexual needs. It is also important to be honest about your capabilities to meet the needs of your partner. Misrepresenting the facts or hiding your true sexual needs and desires will only prolong the inevitable failure of the relationship. For those who have little time or interest in the confines of the typical relationship, it is probably a good idea to consider a ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement rather than making a commitment that is doomed to fail.

Sex is an integral part of the human existence and cannot be ignored or taken lightly. It holds great significance in our physical, emotional and spiritual well-being. The importance of the sexual experience in our relationships holds great significance and will usually determine the harmony and balance we all seek.

Spice Up Your Sex Life

Throw out the Viagra and let nature take its course. Add spice to your sex life and enhance your solo adventures, using natural, healthy formulas whose benefits have proven safe and effective over thousands of years

Most people aren’t aware of Mother Nature’s great gifts or have little faith in their capabilities. Herbs have been around since the beginning of time and their value substantiated in therapeutic as well as sexual capacities. Nature provides for our needs, and unlike today’s wonder drugs, both men and women may reap the benefits of their use. While only a few have been clinically tested, all have proven their effectiveness and safety over time. Man-made drugs come with many side affects and risks that usually put one or more parts of the body at risk, of harm, while fixing another. Drug manufacturers warn of the harm their miracle drugs can produce; yet we continue to use them.

Our sexual needs are basic essentials and nature has quite adequately addressed them without fear of risk or harm. Man-made male enhancement products carry a long list of side affects and warn of the dangers posed by an erection that lasts more than a few hours. Does that mean they are not only unsafe but are also designed for quickies, allowing for sex in metered doses? That poses a rather harsh and unnatural solution. Mother Nature holds the answers we seek. A few of the best are listed below.

1-Ginger is a common household spice by day and wild aphrodisiac by night.

It is a great stimulant, which increases blood flow to the genitals, stirring sexual sensations in both male and female users. It is also used therapeutically for gastrointestinal disturbances, as an anti-inflammatory, is a strong antioxidant and much more. A tea can be made from the shavings of the root as well as from the powdered spice. Extract and pill forms are sold at health food stores. Ginger has blood-thinning properties and is not recommended for those taking anticoagulants.

2-Damiana surpasses Viagra and any other sexual enhancer in its fabulous affects, safety and medicinal properties. It increases blood flow to the genitals, increases sensitivity, provides a marvelous euphoria and has a long lasting affect without posing risks. Its many therapeutic qualities make it an easy choice over the harmful drugs on the market. It is used to treat many ailments such as depression, digestive complaints and congestion to name a few. It is available in extract, drop or capsule form at any health food store.

3-Licorice has super energy enhancing properties, which make for a more active sex life. It stimulates female sex glands and is a great general health tonic for men. Some men who use licorice regularly, notice a significant increase in their sex drive. The list of ailments and problems it is used to treat is quite extensive. Licorice can be found at health food stores in extract form. The candy contains little or no licorice and is not useful for treating medical issues or for sexual enhancement. Anyone with high blood pressure should consult a physician before using licorice.

4-Ginseng is an energizer and revitalizer known as the king of herbs. Its name in Chinese literally means ‘root, or essence, of man and its fascinating history dates back thousands of years. It is a general tonic, which can improve stamina for sexual activities and the potency of male sperm. The list of therapeutic uses is extensive. Ginseng comes in many forms and is available at most any grocery and health food stores. Anyone with high blood pressure, hypoglycemia, heart disorders or asthma should use caution when taking ginseng.

5-Vodka is a great aphrodisiac and an even greater antioxidant when mixed in a shaken martini. Orange vodka holds those same properties as well, and adds emotional affects promoting a sense of loving attachment.

The Kama Sutra Company offers a wonderful line of sex enhancing products, which includes a safe, subtle pleasure balm for extended erection time. Most all of their products are edible and can add a little touch of spice to any sexual experience.

A complete list of Mother Nature’s contributions is available online or in bookstores. For further information please consult Nature’s Aphrodisiacs by Nancy L. Nickell, Prescription for Nutritional Healing by Phyllis A. Balch & James F. Balch, www.kamasutra.com , or your physician.

Anyone planning to use an herb or other natural product is advised to check warnings for possible problems relating to existing illness.All sexual activities should remain safe, sane and always consensual.

Sex For Singles

Contrary to popular belief, it is possible for singles to enjoy satisfying and richly rewarding sexual experiences. Yes, they are doing it alone, and no, it does not cause blindness or specifically aimed lightening strikes. Many singles are discovering a pleasure-trove of new and exciting adventures while exploring their own sexuality. They find many more doors open, offering new and fascinating worlds of wonder. So toss aside the pity and anxieties, singles may just have it better than the average couple.

Singles draw a lot of sympathy from the outside world. It is presumed that their sex life is empty, void of depth or non-existent. For those who have become awakened and aware, that is not the case. A single’s sex life actually holds many positives and brings a sense of independence and sexual freedom. The positive strokes for the ego and self-esteem replace feelings of desperation with contentment while in search of that ideal partner or mate. The rewards gained in self-exploration and discovery enhance personal experiences as well as add to the offerings of shared sexual happenings. Singles are more aware of what makes them tick and tingle and can better appreciate the mind’s role in human sexuality.

Self-pleasuring offers the opportunity to explore the body, try out new ideas and learn to use the power of the mind to promote orgasm. Singles learn that they are not dependent on a partner to provide for their sexual fulfillment. They can create an erotic, fantasy adventure, of wild and forbidden lust while feeling each and every sensation. Since there is no need for guilt or judgment in fantasyland, sex is uninhibited and free. Adding toys, accessories or visual enhancements become optional, no longer a necessity to provoke explosive results. It brings new meaning to the old adage about the mind being a terrible thing to waste.

Being single, and the freedom it brings, allows them to experience the endless possibilities that exist. Their world is not limited. The creativity they possess and the lack of inhibitions affords them the opportunity to venture into the mystical and magical world of the dark garden. They can explore that place which resides within us all, where our most secret and darkest desires are stored. They can venture into a world that most only dream about and bring their fantasies to life. Some try on the light side of kink with self-bondage or move to a more challenging experience such as learning to orgasm on cue. Wherever their fantasies take them they are free to go.

Singles have the benefit of many options and alternatives whether it be wild, daylong adventures or mini trips into the land of erotica. Sex for singles is not just about quick fixes for self-gratification. It’s also about those long candle lit baths, soft music, erotic play and grand excursions into sensuality. Living as a single offers many compelling advantages. There is no room for pity and being single is not a life anyone should dread or fear. It is a grand adventure in life to be savored and envied.

Singles are, by no means, ready to give up their search for the ideal mate nor would they consider giving up their time of sharing intimacy for a life of total self-pleasuring. They are merely taking full advantage of their time of growth and expanding their possibilities. Preparing themselves to be the ideal partner.

The Female Persuasion

Yes ladies, we all wear our “female” at times, play the games, manipulate through feminine wiles and pretend to be something we’re not. We do this primarily as a direct result of pre-programming, environmental role modeling and because, lets face it, it does get us what we want. If we consider this course in the grand scheme of things however, it usually serves to provide a short-lived fix which eventually comes back to haunt us. Is the female persona a gift, a curse or simply an abuse of power?

We size up men for their potential and then attempt to train and transform them into our ideal image. We pretend to be offended by their masculine presentations and open assertions regarding sex. We turn on the charm and the tears at will and are determined to make the men in our lives responsible for our life experiences and happiness. We hold the power of sex and wield it to trap them and at a moment that suits us, transform it into a tool of punishment and torture for any lack of patronization. Are those mixed messages and abuses of power conducive to the success and happiness we seek?

Each time we choose a man it is based on our visions, our needs, our hopes and dreams and by our standards and design. If things don’t go according to our plan we blame him for our own bad choices. One of the biggest complaints from men is that innate need women have to change them, to mold and shape them to the female design. Men are what they are, and most like it that way. If women did not hold the power of sex men wouldn’t dare agree to conform. However, forcing that reform usually means failed relationships or breeds discontented men who cheat. Are we really better off having an unhappy man rather than no man at all?

Any woman who has spent time out with the girls can attest to our conversations regarding sex. Most often they are more open and raw than those hosted by men. Yet when a man dares to speak of such things in our presence, we behave as if we have been grossly offended and demoralized.

Women love sex until they get into a relationship or marry and then sex becomes something ugly. Our lust and sensuality are replaced with age-old designs, complacency and female power. We use that power as both punishment and reward leaving men confused and frustrated with the inconsistencies.

Men carry the visions of their relationships and home life to the workplace where they are exposed to the temptations of finely decorated women who are playing the same games and using those same feminine wiles to gain attention as we did when our designs were new. Men then go home to a whiny, bitchy woman in sweats or to the woman who is absorbed in her own workplace issues and has no desire to share loving intimacy with him. If our goal is to make them happy we are definitely going about it in the wrong way.

It is not difficult to understand why they cheat or want out of the relationship. Women smugly maintain their power and refuse to conform. The men are expected to make the changes and sacrifices needed to keep the relationship in tact. If men cheat it is blamed on their bad character rather than the world their women have created for them. There is little attention paid to their needs as men, yet we cry foul when the relationship has failed.

Being feminine is admirable and promotes positive reactions and responses. Being female is ugly business and provokes the negative images of the female persuasion that have been passed down through the ages. Men should be accepted as men and not created in the female design. For when the spell has been broken by frustration, there is no magic formula to reincarnate its power and influence. Successful relationships demand that we accept our men as men and wear our femininity with pride. Our female is best left in a shallow, unmarked grave in the back yard.